Series Summary: This Holiday Family Conflict series looks at two core reasons why it happens (part 1), ideas for dealing with it (part 2), and key questions to help discern what to do (part 3). This can be a tough season for some, so please share this with those facing hard situations in any holiday season.
Holiday seasons are exciting and usually hopeful. So the pains of such seasons are especially heavy. And, along with workplace or church, the pains of a family gathering can be the one felt the most.
Nothing is wasted with God so one way to improve this time is to pause to prepare.
4 Questions to Prepare for Holiday Family Conflict
Our life of following Jesus calls us into the middle of things.
One where life is not about pleasure nor is it about pain.
It is not all about peace nor is it all about conflict.
A life of following Jesus lies in the tension that God leads us into a flourishing life even if it includes “carrying your cross”.
So doing complex holiday relationships well, we need to walk with Christ. To wrestle with having our identity more in Christ than in the tribes we gather whether a biological family, a hobby group, professional affiliation, or other types.
But God does call us into various relationship dynamics but not all of them are treated the same. Use these questions to deal well with the situations and help guide you in the tips below.
1) How are you spiritually, physically, and emotionally heading into the holiday season (run down, joyful, weighed down by grief, etc.)?
Challenges in the holidays sometimes come from where we are at beforehand. Be prepared if you are running on empty that it may be more difficult. Take some time to pray and rest beforehand. Or build some moments into the visit or gathering. Enter into practicing the transforming of your mind (Rom 12:1-2) by actively living “in Christ” (Gal 2:20).
2) What type of person are you dealing with (foolish, evil, wise)?
For help, check out the earlier parts of this series on identifying who these are for you and then ideas for dealing with or coping with them.
3) How (or when) are the people affecting you? (Or even ripple out affecting how you engage others)?
It may be particular situations or moments. Or your “tired time” of the day when your frustration bucket is low. It might be a particular topic at the dinner table. Whatever it is, see how you can reduce the opportunities, times, or situations this occurs.
4) What is the most Christ-honoring ways to engage (a boundary, personal time for a walk and talk with God, forgiving, etc.)?
We know what we would like to do (*wink*) but there are healthy ways to carry the cross of these relationships. Identify some of those BEFORE you go. Even schedule them.
God is at work in the challenges — nothing is wasted. And allow His work through you to others as you gather: listen well, deepen your relationship with a child/teen/grandchild, be responsive (not reactive), and learn to “be still” and not cling to the wrong things. Sometimes it will be the smallest of effort in the shortest of moments that may be the most impactful and eternal.
Sometimes it will be the smallest of effort in the shortest of moments that may be the most impactful and eternal.
Grateful for You
I am thankful for you. And for the courage and maturity it takes to engage in the topics we’ve explored in this series. May your Christmas (or whatever holiday season you come upon this) be filled with the great sense of God’s love for you and His presence in even the difficult moments.
Further Resources (In-Laws, etc.)
- Holidays With The In-Laws: Cultivating A Joyful, Peaceful Season With Extended Family Various topics and articles on navigating difficult relationships, protecting yourself and your family, etc.
- Holiday Family Conflict And Relationship Challenges: Finding Some Peace On Earth (Or How To Have Goodwill Toward All) This includes five ways to think in more Christian ways in conflict or challenge.
